"Question: I need 100 ways to say “I love you” to my girlfriend. We made a bet last night that I couldn’t come up with 100 and I can’t lose! Help me pa-pa-pa-pa-please non-expert. —Rod
Answer: Here’s the way to say “I love you”: rarely. To say it a hundred ways is to cheapen a pure sentiment; to place a bet with your girlfriend on your ability to do just that is to participate in a culture that has commoditized affection and thrown it into the remainder bin; and to ask someone else to come up with your hundred ways represents love at its nadir—pure romantic sloth. Why not deep-fry a bag of candy hearts and toss them on the rug for her to eat? That’s the (1) first suggestion.
Then there are the twee ways to say it: (2) with freshly cut flowers, assuming she is not a flower; (3) with a bust made of fudge; (4) with wee spaniels; (5) through blinking tears; (6) whispered to her hearing aid; (7) inscribed into her lawn with gasoline; (8) tattooed on your taint; (9) while she sleeps and you stand outside the window."
Read the remaining 91 ways here. The funniest thing I've read over the past 5 days. Before that, I actually can't remember what reading material made me laugh recently. Non-reading, it's definitely Bo Sanchez's and Hugh Grant's brand of humor.
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1 comment:
She-puppets scare me.
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